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The last two weeks have been literally the most terrifying Of my entire life so far. I wouldn't have made it if not for valium. but yesterday was the Surgery and it went really well. It couldn't have gone any better. All of the disease was operable, with no metastasis. I kind of can't believe it. It's not just good news it is amazing Miraculous news. Now I'm lying in my private hospital room Watching the sunrise.

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I promised myself I would post at least once a week in 2013 and so far so good. I wish I didn't have such sad news to share. We had to say goodbye to Mazzy today, my sweet kitty that I have had since 1998. It's so sad to say goodbye to such and old friend. Mazzy was born in New York and lived in an alley behind a hospital. At some point she got in some kind of accident and broke a bunch of her teeth. A guy who worked there started feeding her and eventually took her in. Then he decided to go on an extended hiking trip on the Applachian Trail and he took Mazzy with him. She didn't like this much, so he took her to his friend's house in DC. The friend was my downstairs neighbor and she cried constantly. He asked me to watch her while he went on vacation and then he never came back. I'm not even really sure why I kept her as all she did was yowl and creep around the corners of the room. Except at night. Then she would snuggle into the crook of my knee and purr. I just tried to be really responsive to her and constantly show her love and affection. She was just often a bundle of nerves until we moved to California. She drove cross-country with me and Tseb. She's been to New Orleans and the Grand Canyon. Well, the parking lot of the Grand Canyon anyway. She's been to Zion National Park and Las Vegas. And when we moved to California she was really happy. She loved it here. A huge yard, a dog, warm all the time and she could come and go as she pleased and stalk the neighborhood. A few times a year she would bring me a mouse or a dragonfly or a small bird as a gift. When I was pregnant with Lilah she would sleep on my stomach curled up between my hips. She kept me company during the long nights of nursing. She would sit beside me on the pillow and just keep me company. She loved Micha. She loved Lilah. She loved Ari. And she loved me.

It is a solemn responsibility to give the animals who we adopt a good life. I know that I did everything right with this cat and that is a comfort. But it is a sad day and she was a great cat.

I'm crying a lot and watching cat videos on the internet. That cant be good so I'm going to pick up Lilah. Im not looking forward to breaking the news to her.

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September 2014

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